Wednesday, 16 June 2010

CiF Hearts Rupert Murdoch

The Guardian always lays great store by the fact that it is financed by a trust with dodgy tax dealings, which it claims means that it does not have to tug its forelock to shareholders or media mogul proprietors.

Which makes it strange that it frequently runs editorials and articles fawningly praising the abundant and unquestionable brilliance of Rupert Murdoch's media empire.

It has even, in the past, run articles (you know, the ones which look like propaganda pieces) by James Murdoch and protected him from embarrassment by mowing down dissenting voices from the BTL ranks and then pulling the article altogether when, presumably, little James's face was blushing with such vermilion violence that there was fear he might explode.

So, here is CiF in its best cheerleader mode, with its pants around its ankles, about to fellate the octogenarian Emperor of News:

Set aside the personalities and the politics for a moment, and the idea of Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation buying all of BSkyB makes pure commercial sense. After all, Sky does television and News Corp does papers – and the boundaries between the two are getting increasingly blurred in the digital age. Type into your internet browser and you get an impressive news website that would make any newspaper proud. But BSkyB has an even more important attribute that News Corporation lacks: it is a massive and well-run tollbooth on the media highway.

Free virtual sick-bags for every reader.


  1. Fucking hell, I missed that one. Dire indeed.

  2. Brilliant!!

    ('cept I heard that Seaton likes to do his 'service' to the likes of Murdoch whilst wearing his cycling shorts...)

    other than that though, spot on!!

  3. What a bitter and twisted little person you are. Don't you understand that the Grauniad's tax-dodging is done for the best possible reasons, i. e. to enable them to support the Labour Party and keep money out of the hands of neo-liberals and warmongers like, erm...oh...let me re-phrase this.

    What an ingrate you are. Don't you understand that the Grauniad is all about promoting a just and egalitarian society, where people are payed a fair day's wage for a fair day's work and failure and losing £60 million a year is not rewarded with a huge salary like, erm...Alan Rusbridger's..oh...godamnit..start again.

    What you've failed to grasp is that the Grauniad is a force for rigourous analysis, like the Blessed Rawnsley's assertion last year that "whether or not Cameron's government will get a second term depends on how they do in office". Genius! Where else are you going to get that kind of razor-sharpness and penetration?

    And just think! You've got Imogen "I did an O-Level in this" Black's forthcoming regular gig as Women's Editor to look forward to! Will nothing satisfy you?

    So stop yer goddamn griping and suck it up.

  4. Fuck it!

    I thought I would just dawdle in and idle a few minutes away putting up a post in the style of CiF - you know, any old crap will do - and perhaps just pluck a few plaudits to sniff, like rummaging through a panty-drawer at a party and then I get this!

    Suddenly receiving news that you have been wrong all along is like being run over by a lorry. (One which is made of foam-rubber and sponge, obviously, so it just knocks you over without actually killing you).

    Well, thanks very much "misharialadwani" - if that's your name - for opening up my eyes and, er, unblinding me.

    I think that, at a stretch, I could compete with Rawnsley, but you just had to use the ultimate threat of Imogen Black, didn't you?

    I am not a fucking mollusc!

    The only future I can see now is to bow down and bow out.

    The future is obviously to start a CiF fan-site.

    You know, one where all the CiFerati could go to mutually masturbate each other.

    Oh, fuck it to flip!

    The Guardian beat me to it.

    They even called it CiF!